Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
