I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
