It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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