i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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