Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
