Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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