just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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