tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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