We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
