I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
