Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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