I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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