cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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