Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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