dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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