you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
