I heard we made out
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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