my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
