I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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