i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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