Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
