You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
