WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
