So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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