This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
