ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
