I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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