she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
