I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
