Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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