In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
