How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
