dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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