I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
