Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
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Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize