Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize