You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
being pregnant is like rehab
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
