Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
