so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
