Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
farters have to be the big spoon...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
