:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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