you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
