Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
