I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
