I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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