So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
