laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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