It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
