My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
