Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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