She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Two words: nipple clamps
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