I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
