You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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