i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
