We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
