This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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