My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
