He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
