I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My bed smells like the plague
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
