what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
