loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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