You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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