I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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