Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
