Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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