we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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