yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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