just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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