i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
