Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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